Death Doulas
As more options become available to those who seek funeral arrangements, calling upon death doulas is becoming increasingly popular as well. Death doulas, sometimes referred to as “death midwives,” assist those who are dying as well as their families in the difficult process. They provide information, emotional support, coping strategies, and often spiritual rituals to help families cope with the upcoming loss.
Their support often begins before the death and continues afterwards as loved ones grieve. And importantly, they assist those dying in reflecting on, understanding, and accepting life and death. They are instrumental in achieving a “good” death, and decreasing anxiety for everyone involved. They serve as comfort and support when families need it the most.
A Greener Funeral spoke with a few of the women trailblazing the death doula movement, and ultimately the “death positive” movement, which advocates for more discussion around death and dying.
What is one experience as a death doula that has really stuck with you?
“There was a client that I was doing a consultation with in another state and she had just lost her mother. Her mother did not want to be cremated or embalmed and they had little money to afford the funeral costs. She was left with so little options considering there were no green burial cemeteries in her state. I couldn’t imagine losing a parent and then having to deal with the stress of “how am I going to afford this?” and trying to honor your loved ones last wishes with little options available. I was able to give her that option of a home funeral which saved her so much money. That was an experience as a death doula that has always stuck with me because I believe that the option of a green burial should be available to everyone.”
Have you seen or experienced any overlap with green funerals? Do you inform people of this option?
“I believe that the education of home funerals and our rights should be available to everyone. Yes, I always educate my clients on all of their options for a green funeral. I think most of us think there is only one way to die. You go to the funeral home, get embalmed and either spend thousands of dollars on a sealed casket and burial or get cremated. Part of my duty is to normalize death and decomposition, and what is more beautiful than returning to Mother Earth?
Why did you choose to become a death doula?
“I became a death doula after I found out that there was a place and a purpose for people like myself. From a young age I was always interested in what happens when we die and as soon as I turned 18, I started working in the funeral industry. It wasn’t until after my personal experience with loss when I realized there were a lot of gaps in death care and I wanted to be the person my family needed for others."
What is one experience as a death doula that has really stuck with you?
“There was a client that I was doing a consultation with in another state and she had just lost her mother. Her mother did not want to be cremated or embalmed and they had little money to afford the funeral costs. She was left with so little options considering there were no green burial cemeteries in her state. I couldn’t imagine losing a parent and then having to deal with the stress of “how am I going to afford this?” and trying to honor your loved ones last wishes with little options available. I was able to give her that option of a home funeral which saved her so much money. That was an experience as a death doula that has always stuck with me because I believe that the option of a green burial should be available to everyone.”
Have you seen or experienced any overlap with green funerals? Do you inform people of this option?
“I believe that the education of home funerals and our rights should be available to everyone. Yes, I always educate my clients on all of their options for a green funeral. I think most of us think there is only one way to die. You go to the funeral home, get embalmed and either spend thousands of dollars on a sealed casket and burial or get cremated. Part of my duty is to normalize death and decomposition, and what is more beautiful than returning to Mother Earth?
You can contact her on Instagram at @sacred_ends_midwifery and on Facebook at Sacred Ends Midwifery.
Why did you choose to become a death doula?
“I have always been a person who shows up when death enters the picture. As I witnessed a variety of end of life situations, I felt like it could be done better. People overall seemed so ill-equipped to handle the stresses, strains and logistics that accompany death. I thought that I could fill that need. At the time, I didn't realize that a death doula was a thing. When I learned that others saw the same gaps and were compelled to fill them, I knew I had found the right place for me.”
What is one experience as a death doula that has really stuck with you?
“That time period at the very end. When the person is slipping away and I have the opportunity to be a reassuring presence. That's a really special time.”
Have you seen or experienced any overlap with green funerals? Do you inform people of this option?
“I am on a mission. I'm working to educate my local community. People are really interested in green options but the options themselves aren't yet readily available. I'm doing my best. We have one green burial cemetery 140 miles from my city. It's a very homegrown operation. It's a great story. I wrote about it a while back.”
You can contact her on Instagram @leaving.well.death.doula and on Facebook at Leaving Well End-of Life
What is one experience as a death doula that has really stuck with you?
“I have had several unique clients who have made an impact on me. One was a man about my age dying from HIV. Estranged from his entire family, he had no one. My visits with him certainly gave me perspective and solidified my choice to become a doula.”
Why did you choose to become a death doula?
“My husband died in home hospice at age 56. We were together 32 years. He died from small cell lung cancer. We lived and breathed home hospice 24/7 for 3 weeks. It was a lot of work and coordination between family members, but he was so happy to be able to die at home surrounded by those he loved. We sat vigil, did rituals, witnessed interaction between him and his deceased family, and worked on a beautiful legacy project. After he died, I couldn't stop thinking about the people who had no one, or those struggling for respite or insight in caregiving. (No one explains what we're supposed to be doing when we are caregivers for loved ones. No one tells you how hard being a live-in caregiver is.) This is when I followed the calling to become a death doula.”
Have you seen or experienced any overlap with green funerals? Do you inform people of this option?
“I talk to clients about funeral planning and end-of-life wishes. I'm happy to see Green Burial options coming more to the forefront. Traditional options are still the most popular, but only because they have been the only option for so long. People are very receptive and intrigued with green options when I talk about them. From water cremation to mushroom shrouds, biodegradable burial containers to no container at all, root pods to becoming usuable soil... the options are exciting and endless. I've yet to see any of these options used, but I think they will become the norm.”
You can contact her on Instagram @deathdoulacle
